DVD Late Show

These films are currently Missing In Action and not available on commercial DVDs. Yet, they’re films that I really want to own in my favorite format – preferably with pristine prints in their proper aspect ratio. I know some of these are out there on unlicensed discs, but I don’t buy those. If and when titles from this list are actually LEGALLY released, I will replace them here with other much-desired MIA movies…

1. STARCRASH (1979) This Italian STAR WARS knock-off is pure, giddy fun. Stupid and inept, yet somehow charming. It stars the lovely (and inexplicably dubbed) Caroline Munroe, a pre-KNIGHT RIDER David Hasselhoff, and a seriously stoned-looking Christopher Plummer, acting (both over- and under-) amid some of the most bizarre sets and goofiest spaceship models you’ve ever seen. There’s some really bad stop-motion animation, too! Still, a lot more entertaining than THE PHANTOM MENACE.

2. I, THE JURY (1982) This Larry Cohen-scripted take on Mickey Spillane’s first and best-known novel’s got nothing whatsoever to do with the book. Armand Assante bears no resemblance to the Mike Hammer described by Spillane. Yet, there’s a surging current of trashy B-movie electricity that catches me up every time I put in my old, beat-up VHS copy. Good cast, too: Lauren Landon, Geoffrey Lewis, Paul Sorvino, and a frequently naked Barbara Carrera. Why isn’t this on DVD?

3. A STUDY IN TERROR (1965) Sherlock Holmes meets Jack The Ripper for the first time! John Neville is an excellent Holmes, and the story is a blood & thunder yarn full of lurid thrills. Not to be confused with the excellent, similar film, MURDER BY DECREE. They’re both good, but TERROR’s more fun.

4. THE MAN THEY COULD NOT HANG (1939): One of several “mad doctor” movies Boris Karloff starred in for Columbia after leaving Universal Studios, this quality B-thriller – as well as several of his others for the studio (BEFORE I HANG, THE BOOGIE MAN WILL GET YOU) – is still missing on disc. Despite being the bigger star when they were alive, Karloff now seems to take a back seat on DVD to professional rival Bela Lugosi, and that’s a shame, since Karloff’s performance in this film is exceptional.

5. TARZAN’S GREATEST ADVENTURE (1959) and 6. TARZAN THE MAGNIFICENT (1960): Gordon Scott’s last two Tarzan movies, and by far the best of the color Tarzan films. It amazes me that aside from Weismuller’s MGM movies, so few of the many Tarzan flicks are on DVD. While these are the two I want most, I’d love it if the Weismuller RKO films, all the Lex Barker, Gordon Scott, Jock Mahoney and Mike Henry Tarzans were available on disc. And while I’m wishing, it’d be great to have the Ron Ely TV series in a box set, too.

7. DOC SAVAGE, MAN OF BRONZE (1975): And speaking of Ron Ely… As deeply flawed as this George Pal-produced film adaptation of the Lester Dent pulp hero is, there are a lot of fans (or at least one) who would like to have the movie in a pristine, widescreen transfer – if only because the first half of the movie was great and Ron Ely made a helluva Doc Savage. Throw in a featurette on the history of the pulps, a commentary by Ely and a pulp expert like Will Murray, and it would more than make up for the lackluster second half.

8. CAST A DEADLY SPELL (1991): This made-for-HBO, Martin Campbell (GOLDENEYE)-directed fantasy starred the vastly underrated Fred Ward as Phil Lovecraft, a down on his luck private eye in an alternate 1940’s Los Angeles where everybody uses magic and the supernatural is natural. A great pastiche of Forties noir and pulp horror, with outstanding performances by Ward, David Warner, Clancy Brown and Julianne Moore… with hardboiled dialogue to die for. There was also a sequel, WITCH HUNT, which wasn’t quite as good (despite being directed by Paul Schrader), and which recast/miscast Dennis Hopper in the Lovecraft role. Neither is available on DVD.

9. CHARLIE CHAN AT THE OPERA (1936): And, for that matter, all the Fox Chans. Yeah, I know Fox Movie Channel got angry letters a few years back when they planned their Summer Chan marathon, but you know what? When MGM released six of the Monogram Sidney Toler Chan films on DVD in ‘04, there was no uproar, no boycotts, not so much as a ripple in the media. And a lot of us bought those discs – and loved them. So, come on Fox, we know you spent a lot of money restoring those superior Warner Oland Chans, so let’s get them out there on disc. Especially CHARLIE CHAN AT THE OPERA, with that great performance by Boris Karloff. (Okay, so these look like they’re on the way… but they’re not here yet!)

10. WHEN DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH (1970): This follow-up to Hammer’s ONE MILLION B.C., may not have Raquel Welch or Ray Harryhausen stop-motion dinosaurs, but it did have Victoria Vetri and Jim Danforth stop-motion dinosaurs, and that’s nearly as good. In fact, though it may be heresy to say so, I think Jim’s dinosaur effects are just ever-so-slightly superior to Ray’s in this movie, with some truly astounding bits of animation on display when the cavemen are battling the pleisosaur on the beach and when Vetri is playing with the baby bronto. A great cavewoman cheesecake/dino film that really should be on DVD.

11. THE LAND UNKNOWN (1957): One of the first dinosaur movies I ever saw, and one of my favorites. Jock Mahoney’s helicopter is forced down into a prehistoric lost world hidden among the snow fields of Antarctica. Great, pulpy fun with some solid characterizations, man-eating (or, more accurately, woman-eating plants) and the lovely Shawn Smith. I wore out my VHS tape years ago.

12. THE LAST DINOSAUR (1977): Richard Boone is a millionaire big game hunter who discovers a prehistoric lost world hidden among the snow fields of Antarctica. (Wow – deja vu!) Trapped there, he becomes obsessed, Ahab-style, with killing a T-Rex. The dinosaurs are men in suits (made by Toho FX guys!) and the film was made by Rankin-Bass Productions. Hell, I can still remember the theme song… This ridiculous Seventies TV movie is a treasured childhood memory, and I really want a good copy of it.

13. FROM BEYOND (1986): When Stuart Gordon made his directorial debut with RE-ANIMATOR, he hit it out of the park with one of the best gory horror films of the Eighties. Some people forget, though, that his follow up, FROM BEYOND, was damned near as good. The long out of print videotape (from Vestron) is an unmatted full-frame affair that spoils a couple of the special effects shots, so it would be especially desirable to have a properly-framed DVD, preferably with a cast and crew commentary like the one on RE-ANIMATOR. (Another one rumored to be in the works. Hurry, please!)

14. THE MONSTER SQUAD (1987): This delightful homage to the classic Universal Monsters from writer/director Fred Dekker, is long, long overdue. Best described as “Our Gang Meets The Monsters,” it’s also a great 80’s time capsule. Stan Winston’s monster make-ups are close-enough to the Universal designs to evoke familiarity while not infringing on copyrights, and Duncan Rehger’s Dracula is one of the best Counts in film history. Originally released on VHS by Vestron, I have no idea who now owns the rights, but let’s have it soon, please. And while we’re at it, how about Dekker’s other great retro-horror spoof, the underrated NIGHT OF THE CREEPS?

15. THEY BITE (1996): An early feature by B-movie director/FX artist Brett Piper (SCREAMING DEAD), THEY BITE is an ambitious spoof of Fifties sea-monster flicks, with tons of cool low-tech special effects, rubber monster suits, naked women, insanely bad acting, and porn god Ron “Hedgehog” Jeremy in a featured role. I love this movie!

16. THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN (1957): The classic Universal Studios adaptation of Richard Matheson’s famous novel is one of those movies that made a huge impression on me as a kid watching “Sci-Fi Theater” on Saturday afternoons during Summer vacation. And why not? Great story, ground-breaking special effects and a jaw-dropping final scene. Universal really has to get their shit together and put this (and the rest of their 50’s sci-fi classics) out on DVD, and now! (Apparently one of the Wayans brothers is planning a comedy remake. The only good that can come of that is that Universal might finally release the original on disc.)

17. GODZILLA VS. MEGALON (1973), and, while we’re at it, 18. GODZILLA 1985 (1984) and 19. GODZILLA VS. BIOLLANTE (1989): With the upcoming batch of Godzilla releases from Classic Media, these three titles will be the only films in the series not legally available on Region 1 DVDs. Because a TV-edited version of GODZILLA VS. MEGALON was incorrectly assumed to be in public domain and heavily circulated by multiple “budget” VHS labels during the 80s/90s, I believe Toho is holding back the title from a legit U.S. release. And yes, I know it’s the worst of the series, but I want it anyway. GODZILLA (Known as GODZILLA 1985 in the U.S.) was released theatrically by New World Pictures in a heavily-edited and re-scored version with Raymond Burr and lots of Dr. Pepper product placement. Anchor Bay picked it up with the rest of the New World library and announced that they planned on issuing it on DVD, but Toho is apparently blocking its release in any form. GODZILLA VS. BIOLLANTE was released by Miramax on VHS (in widescreen), and as far as I can tell, they still have the U.S. rights, but seem to have no interest in releasing it on DVD (Now I’m really wishing I’d bought the laserdisc when I had the chance).

20. FORCE: FIVE (1981): Handsome and charismatic World kickboxing champ Joe Lewis only starred in two films (the other was 1979’s JAGUAR LIVES!), and that’s a shame, because I thought he had the makings of a real exploitation action star. This low-budget rip-off of ENTER THE DRAGON (written & directed by that film’s director, Robert Clouse) teamed him with a handful of other skilled martial artists (among them, Richard Norton and Benny Urquidez) for a fun, fast-paced, chop-socky camp classic that I remember fondly.

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