April 14, 2006

Nothing says couch potato satisfaction like sexy spies and hunky private eyes. Add in some exotic, sun-drenched tropical scenery (perfectly suited for skimpy beachwear), lots of machine guns and big booms (not to mention big bazooms) and you've got a winning formula for B-movie (and late night TV) gold.

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Just ask Andy Sidaris, who, along with his wife and producer Arlene, has built a cottage industry out of Playboy centerfolds, soap opera studs, big guns, kung fu, remote control toys and explosions. Lots of explosions.

Between 1985 and 1998, Andy and Arlene produced a dozen low budget action movies, in three separate "series." These late night cable staples, set in such exciting locations as Molokai, Hawaii, Las Vegas, Nevada and Dallas, Texas featured a bevy of silicone-enhanced Playboy and Penthouse pinups as secret government agents who spent most of their time – when not fighting crime – holding strategy sessions in hot tubs. There was also lots of softcore sex, toy helicopters carrying bombs, jet skis, ATVs and RAMBO-style exploding arrows.

You know, the good stuff.

All of these films are now available in four 3-disc sets, under the collective TRIPLE B COLLECTION: BULETS, BOMBS AND BABES title. Unfortunately, these flicks are not packaged in chronological order, so the three separate "series" that make up the Sidaris canon are randomly mixed up. I'm told that was the decision of the distributor, but to me it's just annoying and a bit too sneaky for my tastes.

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I was sent Volumes 3 and 4 for review, which include the following six Sidaris classics:

In DO OR DIE (1985), secret agents Donna (Dona Spier) and Nicole (Roberta Vasquez) are pursued across the American South by the assassins of international crime lord Kane, played by Pat Morita (Mr. Miyagi of THE KARATE KID, who must have been lured into this film by the prospect of a Hawaiian vacation and multiple sex scenes with a busty centerfold girl). Fortunately, with the help of a bunch of other agents (including Erik Estrada, who played the villain in the previous entry, GUNS) they manage to kill all the hitmen and bring Kane to justice.

In HARD HUNTED (1987) the agents have snatched a contraband nuclear trigger from a younger, British Kane (now played by Roger Moore's son Christian, billed here as "R.J. Moore"), and he's not happy about it. The usual antics ensue.

DAY OF THE WARRIOR (1993) is a late entry to the Sidaris canon, featuring cult vixen and Penthouse Pet Julie Strain as agent Willow Black of L.E.T.H.A.L. (Legion to Ensure Total Harmony and Law) who leads her team of voluptuous operatives (including Julie K. Smith and Shae Marks) against a diamond smuggler/art thief/pornographer/wrestler/criminal mastermind(!) known as Warrior (WCW star Marcus Bagwell). What more do I need to say?

One of the most entertaining films in the entire Sidaris oeuvre is the brilliantly titled SAVAGE BEACH (1985). In this one, agents Donna and Taryn (Spiers & Hope Marie Carlton) and their Molokai Express plane are forced to land on an uncharted Pacific island by a typhoon. Stranded on the tropical paradise, the girls must fight mercenaries, spies and a Japanese soldier who's been there since WW II over a cache of hidden gold from the Forties. I love this one.

Andy turned the directorial duties over to his son Drew for a couple films in the late Eighties, beginning with ENEMY GOLD (1987). In this entry, a new set of sexy Feds (Suzi Simpson, Bruce Penhall, Mark Barriere) are suspended for blowing up too much stuff. While on leave, they end up battling villainous vixen Julie Strain (her first role in a Sidaris film, following Estrada's "villain first, hero in the next film" path) for a lost Confederate treasure.

And finally, we have RETURN TO SAVAGE BEACH (1993). In this pseudo-sequel to the fan-favorite original, Julie Strain and her L.E.T.H.AL. ladies (centerfolds Julie K. Smith, Shae Marks, Carrie Westcott) attempt to recover (another) hidden treasure cache and a stolen computer disk from bad guys on a "tropical" island. (This one was shot in Shreveport, Louisiana, not Hawaii… and it shows.)

Not one of these movies has an intelligible plot, but then, it's not necessary. The stories exist only as skeletons to hang action and sex set pieces on, and in that respect, they're more than adequate. Sidaris knows his audience, sticks to his formula, and always delivers exactly what he promises – bullets, bombs and babes.

These sets from Brentwood Entertainment contain three movies, each on their own discs. The transfers are, as to be expected from direct-to-video/cable TV films, in their original 1.33:1 full frame aspect ratio and look very good, with stable pictures and bright colors.

Each disc includes a jokey video introduction by Sidaris and Julie Strain, audio commentaries, a complete Sidaris trailer vault, photo galleries, and some surprisingly informative behind-the-scenes featurettes that provide lots of information about shooting these kinds of low budget adventure epics. Each disc also includes chapter selection menus that are helpfully coded to help you easily find action scenes and nudity.

Personally, I love these flicks, and if they're your kind of entertainment as well, then these affordably priced sets are a great bargain.

For more information on the legendary Andy Sidaris and his films, check out www.andysidaris.com.

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A recent late night syndicated action show – also in the sexy secret agent genre – has just made its way to disc with SHE SPIES – THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON (2002) from MGM/Sony. While short on exploding remote-control toys and topless hot tub strategy sessions, there is plenty of pulchritude on display and it has the added advantage of being funny.

In fact, SHE SPIES is a blatant and knowing spoof of late night syndicated action adventure shows, loaded with broad humor, pop culture references and in-jokes. The premise – which is humorously stated in nearly every episode – is that the government has taken three gorgeous convicts (SPECIES stunner Natsha Henstridge, sexy Natashia Williams and astoundingly adorable Kristen Miller – call me!) and put them to work as agents for a secret federal agency dedicated to eliminating evildoers.

Basically a TV version of McG's CHARLIES ANGELS movies, SHE SPIES still manages to succeed on its own merits and charm. The scripts are witty, sharp and occasionally heartwarming (yeah, I was surprised, too) the chemistry among the characters is great, and while there's clearly not much of a budget (which the characters are well aware of, too), the production values are pretty good. Hell, even the the two money-saving "clip shows" were handled with humor and clever writing.

MGM's presentation of the first season of the series is basic, but serviceable. You get 20 episodes on four discs, in two twin slim packs. The show is presented in 1.33:1 full frame ratio with 5.1 Dolby Digital sound. Since it's a fairly recent production, the picture quality is excellent. There are no extras whatsoever.

I'd never seen the show before getting the discs, but I have to say I enjoyed it a lot. What's not to like? Three beautiful babes, self-aware humor, ninjas… it's perfect viewing for 2 A.M and as easily digestible as Jello. The set is fairly cheap, and if any of that sounds appealing to you, you might want to check it out.

Recommended.

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My favorite TV show as a teenager was MAGNUM P.I., and Universal was kind enough to send me THE COMPLETE THIRD SEASON (1983-84) box set for review. As it happens, I remembered this season vividly, as its premiere, a two-hour episode entitled "Did You See the Sunrise," had a kicker of an ending that had a huge impact on me at the time.

We're all familiar with the show, right? Tom Selleck plays Thomas Sullivan Magnum, a hunky Vietnam vet-turned-private eye, who lives on the estate of never-seen millionaire novelist Robin Masters in Hawaii, and drives Masters' red Ferrari. A prototypical slacker, Magnum maintains an adversarial relationship with the estate's major domo, Higgins (Jonathan Hillerman), and sometimes strained friendships with his wartime buddies Rick and T.C. (Larry Manetti and Roger E. Mosley), all of whom are frequently dragged into his P.I. cases (and shot at). The show features lots of pretty Hawaiian scenery, loud Hawaiian shirts and chicks in bathing suits. Eighties escapism at its finest.

By this third season, the focus of the show is firmly on Magnum and his pals, with the plots taking a back seat to their familial bickering. I don't mean to suggest that the show isn't entertaining or that every episode is fluff, but let's just say that following the stories generally doesn't strain the brain.

There are some good ones, however. The above-mentioned season premiere has a ludicrous plot but some great characterization and a real gut-punch climax. Other high points are "Flashback," in which Magnum dreams that he's a private eye in 1936; "Almost Home," in which Magnum must clear the name of a dead Navy sailor accused of being AWOL during the Pearl Harbor attack; and "Faith and Begorrah," which sees Hillerman playing double roles as both Higgins and his illegitimate half-brother, an Irish Catholic priest with possible ties to the IRA.

The set is typical Universal TV-on-DVD fare: 22 episodes spread across three double-sided, double-layered "flipper" discs in slim packs. The episodes are presented in their original full frame, 1.33:1 aspect ratio and the quality is just okay. There's a fair amount of grain and some occasional dirt, but they are watchable. I had playback issues on one disc which rendered an episode unviewable, but that's par for the course with these crammed double-layered/double-sided discs. The only extra is an episode from Season 4, "Letter to a Duchess." Audio is 2.0 Dolby mono and is fine – levels are good and there's no noticeable background noise.

Overall, another adequate catalog television release from Universal. If you're a fan, you'll want it, but don't expect anything special from the presentation.

And, now to go off on a completely unrelated tangent, here are reviews of two Seventies pseudo-Spaghetti Westerns that have shown up in my mailbox in the past week…

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First is the American-Italian (hence, "pseudo-Spaghetti") Western TAKE A HARD RIDE (1975), recently released on DVD by Anchor Bay Entertainment.

Directed by Italian exploitation veteran Antonio Margheriti (CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST, CASTLE OF BLOOD, etc.), it was made at the tail end of both the Spaghetti Western and Blaxploitation cycles, and starred Jim Brown (SLAUGHTER), Fred Williamson (BUCKTOWN, BLACK CAESAR) and Jim Kelly (ENTER THE DRAGON, BLACK BELT JONES) alongside Spaghetti Western superstar Lee Van Cleef (FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE, SABATA).

Brown plays a trail boss who has to carry $80 grand across a couple hundred miles of desert to a Mexican village in order to fulfill his employer's dying wish. A slick gambler (Williamson) agrees to help him for a cut. As they make their way South, a bounty hunter with a grudge (Van Cleef) and just about every greedy gunman and outlaw in the West pursue them. On their "hard ride" they pick up a stranded widow and a half-breed mute with mad martial arts skillz (!), before coming to the inevitable bloody conclusion.

It's a decent B-Western, with some very good action (famed stuntman/director Hal Needham was the stunt coordinator), some picturesque Canary Island locations and a rousing score by the late, great Jerry Goldsmith. There are also some welcome cameos by Hollywood veterans Dana Andrews, Harey Carey Jr, and Barry Sullivan (PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES).

Personally, I enjoyed it – the only part that really strained my willing suspension of disbelief was the casting of Jim Kelly as a kung fu-kicking mute "Indian," but what the hell.

Anchor Bay's presentation is up to their usual high standards, with a sharp, nearly flawless 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer and clear Dolby mono soundtrack. The only extra is the original theatrical trailer and trailers for other, unrelated Anchor Bay releases, including BUTCH & SUNDANCE: THE EARLY DAYS and DIRTY MARY, CRAZY LARRY.

If you're a fan of the film, it's a solid presentation and worth adding to your collection. If you dig the Blaxploitation cast or Spaghetti Westerns in general, you might want to check it out. It's no classic, but there's some fun in there.

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VCI Entertainment has, over the last couple of years, released a whole bunch of movies by René Cardona Jr. (TINTOERA), one of Mexico's most prolific directors of exploitation films. One of their most recent Cardona titles is GUNS & GUTS (a/k/a LAS VIBORAS CAMBIAN DE PIEL, 1974), Rene's Central American take on the Spaghetti Western genre.

Two bearded drifters (Pedro Armendariz Jr. of THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN RIDE! and Rogelio Guerra) are both searching for the same man, a man they each want dead for their own reasons. While tracking him, they come across El Pistolero (Jorge Rivero, DEATH MATCH), who agrees to kill the man for them. Eventually, they find that their target is now sheriff of Santa Fe and is holed up in a fortress-like hacienda surrounded by hired guns. Now all they have to do is get to him.

Handsomely produced, this South-of-the Border sagebrush saga is clearly inspired by the Euro-Westerns of the era, with ample naked bosoms and plenty of gouting blood in the gunfights. While not bad, it is slow and talky, with only a few standout scenes to make up for the sometimes glacial pace of the rest of the film. These include a couple of well-staged fist fights, a strip-poker scene with three sexy prostitutes, the longest death scene ever filmed, and a great, Peckinpah/WILD BUNCH-styled climax, with geysers of blood and artsy slo-mo.

VCI's presentation is very nice, with a 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer culled from a decent print. There are only a few instances of obvious age damage (including a momentary "snowstorm" of white spots midway through), but otherwise the picture is very good, with bright colors and sharp detail. The English-dubbed soundtrack (and it's a surprisingly good dub) is presented in Dolby Digital 2.0 and is clear and free of hiss and distortion.

Extras include the theatrical trailer, trailers for their other Cardona titles (TREASURES OF THE AMAZON, CYCLONE, ISLAND OF LOST SOULS and THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE), and text bios for the director and leads (although the Armendariz bio is actually that of his much more famous father, who died ten years before this film was made!).

For fans of obscure Westerns or the Cardona canon, it might be worth a look.

Next week, we've got another scary movie round-up, with a couple of MASTERS OF HORROR, some MAGIC, some dead reality TV stars… and a little bit of giallo. See you then.

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